Saying Farewell to Facebook Posts on Grief

It was six months on December 8th since Bob Donaldson died. Half a year. It’s hard to believe. And with this anniversary I want to tell you that I won’t be posting about my grief on Facebook anymore. This decision wasn’t done lightly, but I realize that those I love most are on their own grief journey that doesn’t parallel mine. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that we need to respect each person’s grief journey, not to judge it. I don’t want to cause pain. That wasn’t my intention. But how could I not cause pain when I reveal raw grief? I realize that now.

This has been an amazing experience. Writing has always been my outlet. I found some magical things happening when I posted. It began as my need to reach out and get support. It’s actually ironic and sad that my best writing is done through pain, and without Bob I have no one to talk to or confide in. You were my support system.

A true gift came when I began to learn that my posts helped others. What kept me going were those personal messages, or being tapped on the shoulder by someone on the street telling me how their experiences paralleled mine, or how they respected me so much for what I wrote. I also learned that my posts educated others. Many cultures bring together learning of life and death. North Americans try to avoid death, and the topic, so when it hits home for them, the devastation is raw and unparalleled by anything ever experienced before. I see it over and over and over again; the newly grieving who can’t stop crying. That was me and sometimes still is, but less often now.

Thank you to all who have called me, sent cards and gifts, who have come by to be with me, shared your private stories with me and posted words of wisdom here. Your interactions have helped me so much. I am forever grateful for your love and kindness.

I will post my messages on my blog now and put the links here so you can choose whether or not to read them.

Bless you and thank you for your sharing and caring.

8 comments
  1. Hard to believe it’s been 6 months since Bob died. You have been thru a difficult journey, Suzanne. You handled it in the way you know best: to write about it. But I do think that your blog is a better place for sharing deep personal insights vs FB. I am here to read them, and to help you in any way that I can.

  2. Suzanne, your story has touched my heart. I am going through a similar experience with my husband right now. I guess you could say I am “pre-grieving” as I know his time is not too far in the future. It helps to know that I will get through it somehow, just right now doesn’t feel that way. Thank you for sharing your story

    • Thank you for sharing your story Becki. My heart aches for you. I couldn’t believe I would every stop crying. I never thought life could go on without Bob. It does. But it’s a different life and you are a different person. Find support where you can. You will find support from friends family and strangers who will become your friends. You will find little support from some people you thought would be there for you. I hope your journey is one of insight and learning more about yourself and how strong you can be. I won’t sugar coat it. This is the hardest thing you will ever do. Don’t give up. You will get through it but you can’t go around it. One of the many cliches I learned and it’s true. Hugs.

  3. Hugs to you as well. I find comfort in your blog and have found support from people I never expected. Thank you again for sharing your experience. I can’t even remember how I happened on your blog, but I guess it was providence.

  4. Speaking as another widow — I don’t know your story, I just came over from your link on the 5 Lies You Were Told About Grief post. What I’ve learned (17 years since my husband died suddenly) is that every grief is different. What I’ve also learned is that someone else’s grief may be similar enough to your own that your story may help them. Maybe not now — maybe years from now. So, in that sense, being on a blog may help other people find something helpful for them.

    Anyhow, best of wishes on your journey.

    • Thank you for sharing your first-hand insight, deirdresm. I write to help myself and to help others understand the journey of grief. In North America we don’t incorporate death with life experiences. When we experience profound grief we aren’t ready – mentally or physically – for what happens to us. .

      The stages of grief are the same for everyone:Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance – but how we deal with them is base don our relationship to the person who died and our own personal makeup. it’s complex, and yet, we still go through the same stages.

      I have connected with many newly grieving people and all stories are different but I can usually connect with something everyone says at one time or another. I felt that the blog http://www.rebellesociety.com/2013/12/18/5-lies-you-were-told-about-grief/ was me speaking. It really hit home for me.

      Thanks for sharing your first-hand insight.

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